Monday, March 11, 2013

I AM IN CHARGE

They say if you repeat a lie often enough it becomes the truth.  Well, I'm not sure they actually say that, but it certainly sounds like something they might say doesn't it?  In any case, I'm vigorously testing the veracity of this statement.  Long ago I decided that when it comes to parenting, it's of the utmost important to establish dominance during the toddler years.  This obviously doesn't guarantee success (relative, of course) for the remainder of the child rearing process, but if the child doesn't respect your authority early on, you've got a deep pit to climb out of by the time the kid is a school aged monster.  So, with 2 just around the corner, my approach to becoming a credible authority figure is simply to continually claim that it is so.  When Maya is at the height of her disobedience, I conjure my most dominant energy, pound my index finger into my chest multiple times and assert that "Maya, I AM IN CHARGE.  YOU, are NOT in charge!"  Then I lay out my next set of commands, and come hell or high water, make sure that my will is actualized, because I AM IN CHARGE (Mommy is also in charge). 

But here's the thing.  I'm not in charge.  Not remotely.  Not even a little.  Not in any aspect of my life.  In fact, in the history of life on this planet, it's hard to imagine that there's ever been a living organism less in charge than I am.  Usually the  moments when I'm pounding my chest with false bravado are the very moments when the degree to which I'm not in charge is at its zenith.  The idea of a person like myself trying their best to prop up this charade of authority is so absurd that it's almost overwhelmingly hilarious sometimes. 

Oh well.  Onwards and forwards. 

3 comments:

  1. Hey, with 36-38 years more experience than you in parenting, all I can tell you is that it only gets worse. But before children slide out of control, you will have the most wonderful time as a parent....when Maya is between 4 - 12 or 13 years old. The emotional currency and bonding that results must last for several decades as children morph into adolescents and later as "adults".

    Your first sentence implies that the person repeating the lie sees it as such. But I have a scarier scenario. I have known too many unsavory people in my life who sincerely believe the lies that they tell as truth....

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  2. Surely you realize that the yogger's baby mama is really in charge...

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  3. The beauty of being in charge is that you don't really have to BE in charge- you just need to APPEAR as if you were in charge.

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