Monday, February 18, 2013

10 Commandments of Yog

I'll try to amend these regularly as needed, but I think it's important to get started with the founding 10 commandments of yog. 

Commandments
1.  Always yog.
2.  Never not yog.
3.  When considering not yogging, don't do it.
4.  When yogging longer distances, consume a Carls Jr breakfast burger prior to yog.
5.  Make sure people know that you yog.
6.  Use whatever means necessary to communicate that you are here for yog (H4Y). 
7.  Put stickers on your vehicle indicating that you yog.
8.  Tattoo your body in conspicuous locations to celebrate your yogs.
9.  If you are not sure where exactly the yog begins, ask politely for directions to yog.
10.  Blog.  About your yog. 

Additional rules
11.  When dumped by your spouse/fiance/significant other, now is the time for more yog.
12.  Less yoga, more yog.
13.  When out of shape, sign up for the next organized, timed, competititive yog (OTCY) anyway. 
14.  When signing up for an OTCY, expect to pay $10/mile of paved road and $4/mile of trail.  This is the price for yog.  Beware of OTCYs that will let you yog for less than this. 
15.  When just starting out in yogging, sign up for a marathon that is less than 6 months away.  Especially if you're significantly overweight. 
16.  Frequently announce your retirement from yog.
17.  There is no retirement from yog.  Always more. 
18.  Buy photos of yourself yogging.  Frame them and put them on your wall, to remind you of the time that you yogged. 
19.  If people are not interested in hearing about your yog, keep talking about it anyway. 
20.  There is no shame in crapping your pants during yog.
21.  If you are displeased with the result of an OTCY, make stupid sounding excuses, or claim that you weren't racing.
22.  If you are pleased with the result of an OTCY, claim that you are not. 
23.  Before yogging, waver back and forth several times on whether or not you will actually yog. 

3 comments:

  1. While yogging, always remember to mention that this is your last yog ever.

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  2. Why is crapping in your pants so far down the list?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I thought it was so obvious that I struggled over whether or not I would be insulting the intelligence of my mass audience by including it at all.

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